The Things That Do Not Change
On Wednesday evening, I spoke at El Camino College in Torrance, California to students in a Philosophy/American Literature class about relationships and the messages within my book, You Find Your Soul Mate When You Let Go of Searching. The students were not as verbally responsive as I had intended them to be, however they were receiving the messages because they reacted in other ways, smiling, nodding their heads, laughing. There was one student that came up to me after the class was over and asked some great questions. I want to share them with you here, for they are a beautiful way to emphasize the importance of what is necessary for a healthy relationship to last and remain at a soul mate level.
Please keep in mind that this gentleman who asked me these two questions is 19 years old…truly age does not matter in areas of the soul and relationships! I had discussed in class how we are always changing and growing and we also do this within a relationship. When a relationship ends, it is important to take time to figure out who you are at that time before entering into another relationship. How do you figure out who you are? One way is to start thinking about things that you feel about, what do you see for your future, what do you like to do, where do your passions lay, and what exactly are you passionate about? How has this relationship changed you? Who were you before and who are you now? When you determine these answers, you can then go forward to participate in the activities that you enjoy doing which will probably cause you to feel more comfortable in your own skin and during these activities, you may meet other people, make new friends, etc. who are doing the same thing.
His first question: “You mentioned that we are always changing, but I was wondering about the parts of us that don’t change. There are things that I notice in my girlfriend (his first girlfriend) that I also see in me that does not change. How does that relate to a relationship?” This is perfect! Wow ~ this is what I am trying to get many adults to understand! I responded to him ~ what a great question! Those parts of you that do not change and that make you who you are as well as what make your girlfriend who she is are the things that will help you to get through anything within life and all the other changes that you go through. When finding someone to be with in a relationship, it is important to look for those things that make someone who they are, that does not change. This goes beyond personality traits. It is the core being of who that person is. For example, if someone is an inconsiderate person, then that person may go through changes throughout his life, but if he is truly inconsiderate, then chances are that the core way that he treats people will not change. Another example, if you are a caring person and like to help others and your girlfriend is like that too, then no matter what other changes you both go through in life, that connecting essence that makes you both who you are will help you to ease into and through anything that you experience. It is that uniting similarity that will always bring you back to your connection, the compatibility of who you are individually yet also together.
His next question: “I wondered what your thoughts were on long distance relationships.” My response: You are never apart from your partner. You may be physically apart from each other, but there are so many ways to communicate. We now have email, phone, computer, etc. You are still able to share life together, to be able to have your own individual experiences, then come together and share the way you feel and think about an experience, how you reacted in an experience, etc and in so doing, you get to know each other better and are still growing together. I didn’t go into detail with him of other ways that soul mates can connect and communicate, like in dreams and in spirit on a higher level, because I wasn’t sure if he would understand that at this point. But there are so many other ways besides technology that we can communicate with each other when we are away from each other physically.
What would I like you to take away from this experience and these questions/answers? Truly, I want you to know that when you are ready to connect with your soul mate, please remember that this type of a connection goes way beyond mere personality traits or interests in common. The type of person that you are, what you believe in, how you treat others, what is important to you in life will coincide with this other soul that you choose to have a higher level connection and relationship with. When making your lists of what you want in a partner and why you want to come together with this particular person, think about the deeper aspects of who you are, what you feel, what you believe, etc. That is what will unite you, connect you, and bring you together.
How wonderful it was for me to work with this younger age group. It was the first of many more experiences for me I am sure!