Do You Choose Unconditional Love?
Listen to my interview with Marcome here: Discover the New Age Sound of Marcome
Do you choose unconditional love?
My motto is “You are what you think so be aware of what feeds your
brain on a daily basis”.
I used to think my happiness and needs depended on external realities
such as being married so I’ve put a huge burden on my first
husband’s shoulders. Most of my happiness expectations were coming
from my married life, being perfect as a mom, friend, daughter, my
success through my profession etc.
After a divorce and other roadblocks, I was suffering; my life was
apparently falling apart…
Nature and self help books were not enough to cure my inner self
anymore. I started getting help from a counselor who brought me to
realize that happiness is a state of being; it’s a decision to become
responsible to take care of your needs…all of them! You don’t rely
on external conditions anymore to provide yourself with care, love,
food etc. Unfortunately, we’re shown the opposite most of the time in
movies and on television series where people are perfect, rich,
fusional, always have make up even when they get out of bed in the
morning! I call it the Snow White syndrome. The consumerism preaches,
“You are what you possess, your status in society, your job, your
body, your beauty!”
Of course, one has to acknowledge that the responsibility is on his/
her lap. If I keep choosing to feed my brain with those values (She/He
should take care of me, I’ll be happy when I have this, do this,
become that), I feel I’m condemned to more suffering. If I put the
fulfilling of my needs in external hands, it’s a kind of emotional
With the help of books and some counseling, I reviewed all of my
beliefs and I still do today every step of the way! To give you
examples: “I’m fat, I should be perfect, My father should be this,
my boss should do that, I’m stupid, I’m never good enough, Why is
this happening to me, my spouse should know and so on…”
I realized I had been thinking in a kind of binary mode, it’s either
white or black, no grays… no room for rational thinking, objectivity.
I had never figured out till that point that I was unaware of most of
my conceptions about so many things.
The sole permanent thing in life is the energy that keeps us alive,
not the events of life. I often say, ‘you don’t have all the
choices about what life brings you, but you have choices on how you
will act on what’s there‘ Will you be helpful? Will you pick
yourself up and be understanding, encouraging like you would do for
others? If not, realize that you feed self-destructing ways of
thinking; this is the absence of love…not love!
How to do that?
In order to keep track of my inner state, I spend time in silence
everyday. I practice awareness. Being spiritual to me is awakening
more and more and putting to practice what I read and meditate. I use
writing if I’m facing challenges, I confess to my journal, read it
back and use the logic of love to welcome my inner child or immature
ego who has misconceptions about life and itself.
I read books that are inspiring and uplifting. I watch funny movies to
change my mood and de-dramatize. Healing requires time!
I spend time outdoor almost everyday; I train and stretch my body so
that my mind takes a rest! If all of the above does not bring me back
to my center then I look for external help. If I’m still entangled in
unconscious resistances and beliefs, I talk with my husband, my
counselor and some good friends who can handle such conversations.
They mirror me back what I think and it helps me be more objective,
because I see it from a different perspective and I make a better
choice – a choice out of the logic of Love…What would Jesus think,
do..? Gandhi, Buddha? Put the source of your inspiration there!
I also integrated the habit of listening to my thoughts. My emotions
are my guidance system. If I feel good, no questions asked…goal
reached! If I feel anything else, even a subtle discomfort I ask
myself “What was I just thinking before I started feeling weird?”
I’m now deciding and choosing to be kind to myself, nurturing,
loving, supportive, patient, indulgent…most of the time!
The single decision that I’m responsible for my happiness and needs,
completely changed my life in all areas.
One by one, all the situations of the past that used to make me upset
or anxious or apparently fighting with life went through an awareness
process. Do I still want to treat myself like this? Is my way of
looking at this situation helping me, or destroying me? Am I realistic
in my expectations toward others? Could my parents have done
Emotional dependency is amongst all of us; it’s a worldwide reality.
Humanity is immature; wars, famine, extreme poverty.
Love yourself like others…do you?
You are not alone!!! One of the first steps in the healing process is
to acknowledge we are suffering. Then it’s to willingly decide that
you are responsible now for your state of being and that you want to
change. As long as you accuse external conditions, you’ll stay stuck
in your past. One has to re-interpret and look at his past with
objectivity. The people we grew with were mostly immature; the grand
parents of our grand parents were immature. So… will you keep feeding
the destructive habits?
The good news is that you’re not your past, your lost spouse, job,
and sickness. Your capacity to love in the now is apparently locked by
fear, deception that is part of a survival mechanism. This is normal.
As a kid, you had to find ways to evolve in the absence of love and
approval at times. So we all develop strategies to survive. For
example: “I’m stupid that’s why my father treats me like that,
that’s my fault.”
Let’s say an abusing alcoholic parent who was unhappy raised your own
parent. Well this parent of yours had in him self destructive habits
and the circle of violence ended up in your own life. Your parent did
not like himself either. You learned to survive with this and it made
emotional traps that you might decide to change from now on. Habits
that are destructive: victimization, fatalism, over rationalization,
discouragement, power trip, idealism and so on.
You have to grieve your inner child, embrace him and do the job of
being a loving parent to yourself. This is the path to emotional
healing, emotional maturity. Become the love we so much wanted when we
were born and raised!
The past is to be used to better understand that you did what you
could, with what you had and received. Now it’s up to your decision
and will to change, heal, understand, study, comprehend, forgive, one
day at a time.
You are not alone! You’re a divine creature, remember! Perseverance,
patience and mercy are all required in your mental diet! Become your
best friend. You’ll wake up and go to bed with your inner self for
the rest of this life!
Success relies on unconditional acceptance of what life brings you.
Marcomé is a singer and musician but firstly, a life lover. She grew up in a simple yet inspiring family in Quebec, Canada and speaks French and English.
She spent part of her childhood with her uncles who owned a music instrument and sound shop. After working hours, she would play with the sound systems, hooking up speakers to amplifiers, recording her voice on a 2 track tape recorder while experimenting with guitar and violin. As a teenager, she bought her first 4-track recorder along with a keyboard and recorded some of the songs that would later end up on her first music CD Seven Seas.
She is a self trained musician and a sound engineer and had the privilege to work with renowned music artists whom inspired her to pursue her musical dream.
She is a nature lover and besides music, she has a passion for spirituality & self growth.
Visit her website at Marcome