Such a profound shock and an intensity of emotion set in when I heard of Robin William’s suicide ~ in addition, a silence so deep that I felt as though I took a trip within the halls of my own being to the place where we are all connected. The pain was manifested in my own body, the overwhelming understanding of the darkness that can seem never-ending when in the grips of depression embraced me, and I knew. The intimate insights that come when we surrender to the throes of such emotion…mmm, there are no words which can quite capture its hold as the heart beholds the nuances and multiple layers within the dynamics prevalent inside the human experience…
Robin Williams was known for his versatile acting ability, and the kindness within his heart. There was a childlike quality in him that thrived and survived throughout all the years, undeterred by age, unencumbered by limitation. Of course, this childlike energy seeped through in his acting, and his humorous vibes graced the lives of all that knew him and watched him on the screen. Truly, I believe in remembering the life he lived, and what he has given us. Yet I also feel that such a strong emphasis is needed here, to remember the balance…we are always in this dance, with balance as a key reminder. Can we see ALL of it and not just ONE side of it?
As I was laying, and the tears flowed, what came to me was a message my Dad gave me in a dream shortly after he passed ~ as his image was overlaid upon the image of my Beloved, my Dad fading away and my Beloved coming in more clear ~ “Bring in the humor, always remember the humor.” The truth is my father hid behind his humor. Rather than confront within or express how he felt, he would make jokes and bring in the humor. Humor is absolutely essential yet equally so, is the necessary balance of allowing yourself to feel pain, sadness, frustration, whatever comes, and in your own unique way, bringing the balance of both aspects of our inherent nature ~ to let the insight within the depths come, and the inspiration that follows into a lighthearted creation of our guidance and choosing. In that same dream, my father gave an additional message ~ he told me that there was a coat of arms in Vermont, and when I looked up “coat of arms, Vermont” on handy dandy Google, I found out that the state of Vermont has a coat of arms, with the words, “Freedom” and “Unity.” Again, there is a balance, that when you free yourself from whatever you think hinders you from flowing freely, you are in union with your true essence, which is ALL of it. Your true essence is where there is no OR, but continuous AND’s. It is where UNITY always is, the WHOLE of it. Perhaps my father knew that I was going to go into the depths of my own darkness as the journey unfolded… and remembering his words about humor, at first seemed like a curse, as I didn’t know how the heck to get out of such intensity… I thought he was telling me to NOT go into the emotions that didn’t feel so pleasant yet prevalent throughout all of me. I have come to understand this dance of balance, and that what he truly meant was to know when to bring in the humor, remember the humor when I witness myself going into the extreme side, forgetting the balance. When I am swimming in the OR, forgetting the AND, remember the humor. Remember this is a stage we call Earth, we are all playing upon… where you can paint the canvas of your skies through your own unique eyes, crying and laughing, laughing and crying. They are companions and cannot be so easily separated… hence, are they ever separate?
Going back to Robin Williams, it is obvious to see that humor was so strong within him. Was there perhaps a dance he was moving within that was imbalanced in a way that his vision couldn’t see the AND or the ALL of it? And could that teetering have been too much for him to find his way back to the balance, the union? Having been there, I understand. I am taking this as again, a reminder, to remember the humor, always bring in the humor, however not to wear humor as a mask to the many nuances, the many aspects, the many layers of our humanness. In addition, may this be a message also not to wear a dark veil over your face where you cannot see the light. We are the AND and the ALL of it.
And perhaps one of the best ways to express this is with a clip from Dead Poet’s Society…
“…we must constantly look at things in a different way…just when you think you know something, you have to look at it in another way. It may seem silly or wrong, but you must try. When you read, don’t just consider what the author thinks, consider what you think. Strive to find your own voice….dare to strike out and find new ground.”
Yesterday, I wrote about the vivid dream I had of my Beloved walking naked, how strong the love was witnessing him in his sacredness, with the message of exposing all of your uniqueness, and how the “imperfections” are so perfect, if only you allow the vulnerability of being seen for all of who you are, your wholeness. Everything is always reflected and connected. May you take whatever message you perceive and are meant to receive.