Letting Go of What Limits Our Relationships
Jul31

Letting Go of What Limits Our Relationships

By Guy Finley No relationship in life can be any more successful than what we are willing to learn about ourselves through it. The moment we turn our back on what others give us to see about ourselves, we not only walk away from what we need to see, but also from the better person we could be. . . were we only willing to learn the lesson at hand. The success of our relationships with others depends on a two-part key that unlocks our potential to love: First, we are asked to do the interior work of becoming aware of ourselves in a whole new way. Second, we must learn to welcome what this new light reveals to us about ourselves. One without the other is useless. Our responsibility is not to try and enhance ourselves through our various relationships in life, but rather to discover and realize ourselves through them. Think of the vast difference between these two pursuits. One brings endless ways in which we feel we must make painful compromises with others in order to protect what we have “gained” through them. The other way leads us to the gradual realization of an interior greatness that can neither be enslaved nor corrupted. Only our awakening can end the aching inherent in the many ways we have become falsely dependent upon others. Those who depend on others to provide them with their sense of worth are co-dependent; each must have the other to keep the illusion alive, even though by feeding this relationship they effectively separate themselves from the possibility of ever knowing their true value. Anyone we enable, we disable . . . including ourselves. And there’s only one reason any two people consent to compromise themselves in this way: neither has yet discovered the truth of who they really are. We can never enable someone else without having first disabled our own higher nature that knows better than to bargain for friendship, love–or just to feel “needed” in some way. Resentment and regret are the bitter fruit of all co-dependent relationships, because the ground out of which they grow is self-compromise disguised as caring for one another. We cannot authentically care for another until we carry within us the lighted lamp of higher self-understanding. A big part of our inner work in all of our relationships involves remembering this key idea: Whenever we are not present and properly attentive to ourselves, we may be sure the false self is busy attending to something we’ll be paying for in the days ahead. Disconcerting, yes; but there’s no denying it: there are unconscious parts of us...

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