Love Without Possession

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That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it. ~Paulo Coelho

I have been doing a lot of thinking recently about the concept of home and the emotion of love as well as the combination of both of them. “home is where the heart is,” true, however, the heart is where home is too. We distinguish what home means to us and where it is depending on our feelings, our comfort, where we exist as we truly are. Therefore, home can constantly change because we carry it within us. It can be found wherever we go and felt wherever we are. Yet, when you find a particular place that brings you back to where you have always been, a place that feels as though you never left, where your soul flies, your heart dances, and your dreams are realized, then you have come back to the place you knew you would return to someday. There will be no doubt when you arrive at that place, all of your senses will be alive, your essence truly aware of its existence.

Many months ago, perhaps about 6 or 7, I wrote a poem and there was a line within it that spoke to me. As a writer, I know that there is a significant importance of reading one’s work after it has rested a while, for one discovers something about oneself in the process. Time allows for growth and change, going back enables the soul to remember and understand where it was, where it is now, and where it wants to go. The line is, “Recognize it when your heart tells you it is home.” These were words that I needed to hear now, as well as then, though it echoes more profoundly within my heart now.

In The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho says, “You must understand that love never keeps a man from pursuing his Personal Legend. If he abandons that pursuit, it’s because it wasn’t true love, the love that speaks the Language of the World.” We misunderstand love. We enter into relationships with the fear that we may lose the person with whom we are sharing love. We also believe that we must spend a lot of time with this person, that time is essential in order for us to get to know each other, that if we are to have time away from this person, it will only jeapordize the relationship that has begun. However, this is not love, love would never hinder another person from life’s journey, and part of the journey is following the path of ones dreams. Jealousy and fear are not friends of love. They are not present where true love resides. Society has instilled within us since early on in our learning that possession is a part of love, that to be in a relationship, (marriage being the ultimate commitment), we possess that person, they are ours. This is false. True love requires two people to come together who have similar values in life, truly deciding to live life in a way that coincides with the other, and both people are happy on their own, but they choose to be together for their love and respect for each other strengthens their happiness. It does not make them happy by itself. Happiness comes from within. It is in the hands of the individual. It will never require or expect another person to give up anything to be in love, most especially any dream that the person is holding with his heart. Love only encourages and there is no trace of fear, of getting hurt, of losing the other.

When you have found that special love, you will know, and you will also know that you can begin a relationship with that other person one day, be away from them for a period of time shortly thereafter, and nothing will change when you return, nothing changes while you are away. Rumi writes, “Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere, they are in each other all along.” It is this recognition that people talk about when meeting their ideal person. Knowing is a remembering. When you recognize this person, when you know this person, when you remember this person, don’t make the mistake of thinking that you have to wait to be with her until you have the time to spend to devote to the relationship. Don’t make the mistake thinking that it isn’t fair to her if you have to be physically absent for periods of time. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you have to sacrifice what you truly love to be with someone for you are already connected to that person, you are already communicating with that person, the physical contact is just the recognition of that other side of you. Be open to the possibility and the truth of ultimate love.

Something to ponder:

Does a soldier go to war in order to kill the enemy? No, he goes in order to die for his country. Does a wife want to show her husband how happy she is? No, she wants him to see how devoted she is, how she suffers in order to make him happy. Does the husband go to work thinking he will find personal fulfillment there? No, he is giving his sweat and tears for the good of the family. And so it goes on: sons give up their dreams to please their parents, parents give up their lives in order to please their children; pain and suffering are used to justify the one thing that should bring only joy: love.” ~Paulo Coelho