We Were Out, Now We’re In

I wrote this blog in April of 2007 and I wanted to post it here because something came up today that made me think of it. I’d like you to read it and then read what I write today to continue a bit on this topic.


I sit here, and I ponder. What is it truly that makes many within our society crave the unrealistic that is made out to be reality, such as graphic shows like Jackass, “reality” shows galore…? In class tonight, we started talking about just what we want to hear in the news, in the media, etc. One of my classmates said, “We love to see people fall.” I was speechless as he said this for it seems that this idea, this possible truth, has been a recurring theme in many of my conversations recently. Another friend of mine just posted a blog where he included the lyrics to Tool’s song “Vicarious,” and to add to my message here, I will post them as well below:


Eye on the TV
Because tragedy thrills me
Whatever flavor
It happens to be like
“Killed by the husband”
“Drowned by the ocean”
“Shot by his own son”
“She used the poison in his tea
And kissed him goodbye”

That’s my kinda story
It’s no fun ’til someone dies

Don’t look at me like
I am a monster
Frown out your one face
But with the other
Stare like a junkie
Into the TV
Stare like a zombie
While the mother
Holds her child
Watches him die
Hands to the sky crying
“Why, oh why?”
Because I need to watch things die
From a distance

Vicariously I, live while the whole world dies
You all need it too, don’t lie

Why can’t we just admit it?
Why can’t we just admit it?

We won’t give pause until the blood is flowing
Neither the brave nor bold
The writers of stories sold
We won’t give pause until the blood is flowing

I need to watch things die
From a good safe distance

Vicariously I, live while the whole world dies
You all feel the same so
Why can’t we just admit it?

Blood like rain come down
Drawn on grave and ground

Part vampire
Part warrior
Carnivore and voyeur
Stare at the transmittal
Sing to the death rattle

Credulous at best your desire to believe in
Angels in the hearts of men
Pull your head on out
Your head believes it give a listen
Shouldn’t have to say it all again
The universe is hostile
So impersonal
Devour to survive, so it is
So it’s always been

We all feed on tragedy
It’s like blood to a vampire
Vicariously I, live while the whole world dies

Much better you than I

We could pick apart these lyrics line for line to get at the heart of what it is saying. Again, that speechless blanket, however comforting yet disturbing it may be, came over me. My mind was running circles, trying to ease the craziness that is evident within these words, for they echo truth, they echo reality for some, and that reality is laden with darkness, with a severe boredom, with a sense of loneliness and loss edged within the soul so deep that it is painful to imagine. Do we all feed on tragedy? Ask yourself: did you want to see the end result of a fight between peers while you were in school? Did you want to watch that horror movie even though it would give you nightmares? Are you intrigued by the sight of blood, does watching someone suffer make you feel alive? Does watching someone die make you feel alive? Is it the sensation of feeling alive that causes one to watch tragedy, to be engrossed in the result of pain? This feeling is expressed in the line “vicariously I, live while the whole world dies.” I am a lover of words, an intimate companion on the journeys they take me on…and so, can we say also that this desire to live through others stems from a need to listen to the lives of others and to live through them…if one is not a soldier of war, if one does not have cancer, if one has not seen his father kill himself, how else can we experience that unless through the eyes of someone else?

I am the first to tell you that I cry at pretty much anything. I am a sensitive, emotional, sympathetic woman who deeply feels what others go through, even if it is a movie designed to make me feel as if the story could be true or a book, however I think the lyrics to the song get into something a bit different. It is one thing to experience something that I haven’t experienced before by putting myself in someone else’s situation but there needs to be balance. All the quotes within this song no doubt point to things you would hear in the news, “killed by the husband,” “shot by his own son.” These are tragedies, in the sense that there is a lack of love, there is an extreme absence of love that in some cases turn to hatred so severe that it causes such actions as these. I will share with you all a confession: I do not watch the news. I do listen to npr, since it explores a wide variety of stories of the world, including the positive ones. There is good in this world, there is love in this world, there is beauty in this world, and I refuse to watch anything or be in the presence of any energy that will consistently be negative. It is not the truth of our existence as I see it. What are your thoughts?

About a couple months ago I finished reading the book, Running with Scissors, and I am going to make another confession. Perhaps this may surprise some people, however I did not like the book. I was quite surprised to find that everyone I asked about the book said they enjoyed it, some admitted that they loved it. Was I missing something? No, I don’t think so. I read the entire book and it didn’t take me long, merely because each page was another shock, another drastic thing that happened in the life of this kid who was uneducated and “unloved.” Perhaps all insanity stems from a lack of love while growing up. When I finished this book, I felt unresolved at the end (and I am not saying that a book needs to have a concrete resolution at the end, by no means as life is not like that), and I didn’t feel that all the parts of the story cohesively joined together to add credence and resolution to all that happened. Again, I was surprised at all the positive reviews this book received. I found it to be another saga in the reality show addiction that is taking over people’s minds. THIS is NOT reality! This is a cry for help, and it is a plea on who can be the most shocking and get the most attention. Paris Hilton is not reality, it is not funny to watch her do stupid things, it is downright sad. The girl needs love and a display of family values. I do believe in “angels in the hearts of men.” Love is the answer – that’s my conclusion.


Today, I heard Marianne Williamson speak at Agape International Spiritual Center (run by Rev. Michael Beckwith who is in The Secret), and she said some things that made me recall what I wrote above. She talked about Britney Spears, well using her as an example, on how we are searching for anything outside of ourselves to focus on, anything others are going through so that we don’t have to go inside ourselves, so that we can remain asleep instead of being awake within our own lives. However, this IS the time to change, this IS the time to wake up, this IS the time we realize that we are never too old to start our lives, to continue our lives, to have all we desire. She related a story, “There was a young girl about 15 years old who came into the kitchen where all the elders were gathered, conversing and sharing. The young girl says, ‘You guys are boring, because you never go outside, you always stay inside.’ One of the elders turned to her and said, ‘We were out, now we’re in.” I think this makes perfect sense – for we have at times, (I admit I have been there), tried to find happiness outside of ourselves or tried to live through other’s lives so that we don’t have to confont our own or take control within our lives.

I say to you, this IS the time to wake up, this IS the time to let go of the drama of insignificant things, this IS the time to break free from any old ways of thinking, of existing, of being. To honor Martin Luther King Jr., she related some of his quotes though I want to mention one here for it is relevant. “There is a power within us much greater than the power of bullets.” The war that we have still going on is another topic however, it still brings up a desire to destroy, a desire to see someone fall, a desire to feel alive through the destruction of someone else, and that insane emotion needs to be stripped away from our consciousness. Destroying an “enemy” does not make us anymore alive than we were before we stood in the face of death and survival, and it doesn’t make us stronger. Watching someone like Britney Spears go through the bumps of life does not make you alive, if anything, it should make you feel like living your own life. I hope that one day we will all be alive in each moment, that we will be awake within our own lives and therefore won’t have the time or energy to focus on the downfall of anyone else, unless that focus is backed by a service to help.

This is the time that we are in…we once were out, let’s now go within. I still believe that love is the answer. I would just add that that love is found INSIDE ourselves and then we can bring it OUTSIDE and offer it to the world.

2 comments on “We Were Out, Now We’re In
  1. Tammy H. says:

    I very much enjoyed this blog post. 🙂

  2. Tori Loukas says:

    Thank you, Gabriella, for this blog! I read it with much interest. And I find that I am much like yourself in measures of strong emotion and high sensitivity, and neither do I watch the news. Your musings on the reasons behind the love of horror and the belief held that the Universe is a horrible, deadly place to be are fascinating to me. Sadly, because I identify so strongly with your thoughts, I’m afraid I haven’t any new insights to offer! (But then again, let me ruminate a bit longer!) Extreme boredom, lack of spirituality and Oneness causing negativity, over-identification with the ego, a desire to feel one is safe and “normal”, and of course the media’s brainwashing of the culture all play parts, I believe. And it IS sad~ very much so. I suppose all that we can do is “Be the Change you wish to see in the World”~ spread the message of love, the universal language.
    So thanks again sweety for another thought-provoking post! You are a wonderful writer…Peace, Love, Light Always to you my friend, Tori

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