Cheating – The Issues Behind it and Is It the Same for Both Sexes?
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I watched the movie Last Night and it prompted a discussion between a male friend of mine and myself. He said that he felt that if two people were married and both the man and the woman were tempted to be intimate with another, that the woman would naturally stop the advances from going any further because she is more emotionally involved in the relationship than the man. How do you feel about this?
I don’t subscribe to gender stereotypes because I feel there are so many factors involved. We are responsible, as individuals, for our own stuff that comes up in a relationship and believe me, it will. You will be challenged because relationships, and the best of them, help us to heal what may be lurking underneath our psyche waiting there to be noticed, and then taking the steps to release them. However, many times, it is our own responsibility when fear comes up in its many forms; jealousy, anger, envy, etc. to notice that it probably has nothing to do with the other person. What is the point of blaming it on your partner?
If we notice that something is coming up within ourselves and creating resentment and separation from our partner, we have a choice to communicate it and let it be resolved…keeping things inside only creates more feelings, behaviors, actions of separation. Cheating is an action of separation, IF you choose to have a monogamous union with another, AND being in intimate relationship/marriage with another CAN remain blissfully happy forever if you are able to be yourself, share your emotions, and respectfully help each other to be ultimately the best you can be.
Sometimes things and people change, and not all relationships are meant to last “forever” in a particular lifetime, so if it has come time that you feel this is what is meant to be, then take a look at it from a deeper perspective to see if what you are feeling is coming from the heart and not the many disguises that fear can create.
I don’t believe that women are more emotionally invested in a relationship, at least not from the gender stereotype perspective. Everyone is different from how they feel about a partner and their relationship regardless of their sex and there are many underlying factors that determine this (which can all go hand in hand): their beliefs, their emotions, their previous experiences…
Care to share what you feel?
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I think the author hits on all the relevant points, its a bit general, but I agree. I think most of what has caused the relationships that I have been in to fail has been fear related, along with the breakdown of communication. You can not resolve an issue that you do not bring to light, you can not grow together if you cease communication. In order to have an open and honest relationship, you have to BE open and honest. I don’t think that women are any more emotionally involved in a relationship than men, I think that most women are simply more open to expressing that to the outside world than men are, due to social programming of what it means for a man to ‘be a man’. I have been, on occasion, and probably will be in the future, been accused of being more emotionally involved than the person I am with. Occasional disconnects are a sad part of any relationship, it’s what you do and where you run during these periods that define you to yourself, your partner, to the world. Ultimately, I personally choose to run TO my partner during these periods, not away. Be it for whatever reason, I want to know whats going on from HER perspective, from HER lips.
If you can not come together, you will not grow together, you do not have a long term relationship. In the end, that is what I want, as I have stated many, many times, a relationship/marriage that endures all tests, including time.
Beautifully expressed Nathan! It is a defining moment of truth when you are able to see where you run to in the moments when you feel disconnected from your partner. The higher an individual rises up the ladder of love and the more profound the relationship, the more you want to go through the pain and comfort of working through “unpleasant” things WITH your partner rather than AWAY from your partner. This ultimately brings one deeper in love and connected with one’s partner as well as oneself. It is great that you are able to express yourself emotionally for it shows that you are in touch with your feminine side and as you are more and more in touch with that side, the more you will attract a partner who is in touch with her masculine side to flow in profound love that grows deeper and deeper as the years go by.
I can appreciate what Nathan says about going to his partner to sort through “disconnects”, and ultimately this is the only way to solve issues. But I find it sometimes helps to discuss problems and different solutions with others, ie a counselor, trusted friend, or even a twin flame that is experiencing the same issues. When women share their intimate marital/partnership issues with each other, it is hardly remarkable or even unusual and I would be surprised if anyone considered this cheating. What do we think when it is a man and woman discussing their respective marriages with each other? I would say we are conditioned (through society, media, etc) to think any form of intimacy is a potential problem when it is between men and women who are married to others. Cheating isn’t looking for support, empathy, and compassion outside the marriage/relationship-it is natural to give and receive these things. I would suggest that cheating occurs when we feel all our needs (emotional, spiritual, physical, etc) must come from our partner. Cheating is dishonest and fear-based. It is often the result of being afraid to voice your needs with your partner, especially if some of those needs might be better met outside the marriage/partnership.
Sidney,
I agree with you, in that it is important for men and women to have friends of the opposite sex while they are married for our friends are a part of who we are. Yes, we can share much with our partners, but we also share individually with our friends and at times when we feel a bit frustrated with whatever may be coming up in our relationships, sharing this with friends is natural and important, thus shouldn’t be excluded. I promote having friends of both the same and opposite sex even while being in a committed loving relationship…actually only a loving relationship would allow this with true unconditional love. Communication and honesty is important in all relationships, however intimate they may be, and the other side of that is of course not taking things personally when ones partner does express themself. Add these two together and I feel it is a powerful combination of respect and love…there are many parts of our psyche that make us who we are, and we get satisfied, fulfilled, so to speak from many sources that make up who we are: ourselves, our friends, our family, our intimate partners…and running to any of these in the midst of challenges within our intimate relationships only enhances all of our relationships.
There are reasons why people cheat to their partners. But the main reason is that he/she fall out of love. That’s why he/she gets attracted to other and then cheat. But that’s crazy! Be sure you know who you’re marrying to and what he/she is. Accept fully.
Due to my husband Aspeger syndrom , he never likes to discuss emotional problems, (I don’t say all people with asperger react like my husband) so our problem had been building and building up in our marriage. I have been emotional starved all these years in my marriage. Going alone with my son on vacation and see all those couples around holding hands, or just sitting together close to one another made my heart cry. I feel alone in my marriage, but never cross in my mind the idea of cheating on him, because it is not honest. Even now, if I get so close to my TF, I think I will able to tell my husband about it. I don’t believe on cheating, because it is so painful for the other partner who is not cheating.