Surrender to the Flow: Choose Unconditional Love and Presence in the Moment

Q. My twin soul has 3 children with different women. We met on the internet after he moved to CPT to find himself spiritually. We fell in love and connected spiritually, heart and soul. I’m further along the path spiritually and he is still ‘battling his demons’. He obviously has an issue with sex and women. And Alcohol. Dilemma: I wanted to have a family with him and he with me but It would be a bad choice it seems. I don’t know how far he’s prepared to ‘work’ in order to heal and I think it would be irresponsible of me to bring another child into this scenario. Thing is I don’t think I will ever want another man besides him. And I have such immense compassion for him, I want to be there for him. But would that mean sacrificing having a family? I’m 33.I don’t know how to be in the moment with this.

A. Twin souls are the mirror image for each other…and if one twin is “battling demons,” then you can guarantee that there are some demons of your own that you are called to take a look at, to allow to heal by loving them into the light. You can’t go into the space of judging what he is doing, where you feel he is at, and determining what is best for him yet also be in the space of unconditional love with yourself and him (as these do go hand in hand). Unconditional love accepts exactly what is, what is being chosen or acted (or not acted upon) without determining what is the best course of action to show that healing is taking place.

I can understand wanting to bring a child into this world, as it is one of the reasons we choose to love and unite with others, creating an extension of that love. Yet, it is not the path for everyone. I wonder, where is that desire coming from? We are now moving from the old ways of relationships and loving into the new way…meaning that we are asked to come from the space of the heart with unconditional love rather than the mind with rationalizing and planning everything. The heart goes with the flow and allows feelings, guidance to bring you to the next moment in the “future,” yet the mind starts to make plans for that future. In other words, it used to be common and the “norm,” to get an education, move further into adulthood, get a secure job, find a partner, get married, have kids. Yet the flow naturally will bring you into such things if you are present in the moment…if you desire to truly experience them…I was asking you where the desire to have a child is coming from…is it coming from your heart or is it coming from the place of tradition/the mind? Do you also know that people have been having children well into their 40’s? When we attach to time frames, age, etc, we are then placing expectations/limitations/attachments onto our experience, and what this does is stop us from being able to truly be in the space of unconditional love with ourselves and our twins as well as being in the moment. We can’t be in the moment if we are wondering how tomorrow will turn out, in the fear that what we desire may not happen. There is a constant state of surrender that this journey does require us to hold…

You can be there for your twin in whatever ways you are guided in each moment, but also know that you are always there even when your physical body is not and even if you are not in direct contact as this love exists beyond this lifetime and the physical human experience. I like to say “hold on and let go.” What I mean by this is to hold onto the love for you can’t release it, but let go of your focus from the mind of trying to determine what you need to do in this present moment…let your heart and the guidance of the universe bring you to the next moment as it supports you.

Know that as you delve deeper into your own psyche, figuring out what is there for you to heal, to love, what passions are calling to be brought out into your life, you are sending these realizations, observations and deeper love to your twin, as you are not separate from each other…and if your path brings you into loving another person ( a soul mate) along the way, that love as you grow deeper within it, is being shared with your twin. The best thing that you can do at this point is determine what excites you, who you are, and bring that into your life experience more fully in each moment…find the happiness that is here for you to embrace in this now moment. You are not alone.

Thank you so very much for this. It has profoundly blessed me.

To give you a bit more of the picture..

Some months before I met him I had been praying for a ‘marriage made in heaven’ I should continue trusting the higher power that brought us together in the first place then. When I do surrender to this unconditional love it is the most beautiful and freeing experience. Like, although I find the situation of his children(especially because of the mothers that come with them) a bit overwhelming, i’ve had a moment when I’ve just wanted to meet them and lovingly hold them in my arms! Just because they ‘come from HIM’.

What’s made this difficult for me is that he moved down and has been living with a woman in CPT so I’ve had to deal with ego/jealousy issues. When I discovered this I wanted him to leave her immidiately but what then came to the fore are my abandonment-daddy issues which play themselves out in extreme committment phobia where I tend to sabotage relationships and run scared. And then go back and then run again. Its partly because of this phobia that I have not wanted to have children (not proud to say I’ve terminated two pregnancies). But enter him and it seems like the most natural thing to do. Perhaps its that deep desire to merge with him but when I’m not scared I embrace the desire to be a mother..and I think he’s the most wonderful man in the world so why wouldn’t I want to ‘replicate’ him :). But I must say, for the most part my desire has been to be a woman of the world as opposed to being a mother of a household. I think I want to have a family with him because it feels like I can be both with him because there is so much in the world that we could do together, whilst raising children that ‘are the change we want to see in the world’.

The things you say are true. I’ve been so focused on my spiritual growth and he seems to be making positive changes as well. We are learning together. I know we are never apart, I feel it! It is agony when I try to keep away from him (because I refuse to be part of a triangle!) But sooner than later I have to speak to him again because I only have that kind of spritual understanding with HIM. Then we have to share and discuss issues close to our heart or we just miss laughing together. We also enjoy being on forums together on the interweb and support each other’s view since we agree on most issues. He’s said he feels I need to be a partner in what he has to do in the world.

I have never desired someone with my whole being like this! And knowing me and how I tend to focus on the one I love I don’t see myself opening up to a soul mate love. I’ve had those and is it not that one loses themselves in them because they believe they might have found the one(twin soul). I’m a hopeless romantic and idealist.*sigh*. But I will never say never, who knows what the future might bring..

I’m willing to love him unconditionally and support him whether we’re together physically or not. Its what my soul wants to do, no matter how much my ego wants to build up a wall of self-protection. I will hear his voice on the other end of the line and I will just melt and be the gentlest I can ever be (apart from when I’m dealing with children!)..

I will stay in the moment, whatever that will mean..while focusing on who I am and what excites me and doing that.. So help me God!

1 Comment on “Surrender to the Flow: Choose Unconditional Love and Presence in the Moment”

Mbali says:

November 21, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Thank you so very much for this. It has profoundly blessed me.

To give you a bit more of the picture..

Some months before I met him I had been praying for a ‘marriage made in heaven’ I should continue trusting the higher power that brought us together in the first place then. When I do surrender to this unconditional love it is the most beautiful and freeing experience. Like, although I find the situation of his children(especially because of the mothers that come with them) a bit overwhelming, i’ve had a moment when I’ve just wanted to meet them and lovingly hold them in my arms! Just because they ‘come from HIM’.

What’s made this difficult for me is that he moved down and has been living with a woman in CPT so I’ve had to deal with ego/jealousy issues. When I discovered this I wanted him to leave her immidiately but what then came to the fore are my abandonment-daddy issues which play themselves out in extreme committment phobia where I tend to sabotage relationships and run scared. And then go back and then run again. Its partly because of this phobia that I have not wanted to have children (not proud to say I’ve terminated two pregnancies). But enter him and it seems like the most natural thing to do. Perhaps its that deep desire to merge with him but when I’m not scared I embrace the desire to be a mother..and I think he’s the most wonderful man in the world so why wouldn’t I want to ‘replicate’ him :). But I must say, for the most part my desire has been to be a woman of the world as opposed to being a mother of a household. I think I want to have a family with him because it feels like I can be both with him because there is so much in the world that we could do together, whilst raising children that ‘are the change we want to see in the world’.

The things you say are true. I’ve been so focused on my spiritual growth and he seems to be making positive changes as well. We are learning together. I know we are never apart, I feel it! It is agony when I try to keep away from him (because I refuse to be part of a triangle!) But sooner than later I have to speak to him again because I only have that kind of spritual understanding with HIM. Then we have to share and discuss issues close to our heart or we just miss laughing together. We also enjoy being on forums together on the interweb and support each other’s view since we agree on most issues. He’s said he feels I need to be a partner in what he has to do in the world.

I have never desired someone with my whole being like this! And knowing me and how I tend to focus on the one I love I don’t see myself opening up to a soul mate love. I’ve had those and is it not that one loses themselves in them because they believe they might have found the one(twin soul). I’m a hopeless romantic and idealist.*sigh*. But I will never say never, who knows what the future might bring..

I’m willing to love him unconditionally and support him whether we’re together physically or not. Its what my soul wants to do, no matter how much my ego wants to build up a wall of self-protection. I will hear his voice on the other end of the line and I will just melt and be the gentlest I can ever be (apart from when I’m dealing with children!)..

I will stay in the moment, whatever that will mean..while focusing on who I am and what excites me and doing that.. So help me God!